Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
