i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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