Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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