Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
