The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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