I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
