Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
