Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
