He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
