I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
