I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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