i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
