oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i've created a new STD.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
