I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
