I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
