I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
