my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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