i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
