I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize