So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
