so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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