I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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