I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
