omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
