i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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