Acid is not a monday night drug
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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