found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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