HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
