My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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