I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
