Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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