whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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