I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
