i permit you to call me
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
