When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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