My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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