you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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