aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
