the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
