she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
