She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
