omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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