I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
