Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
