loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
