i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
