i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
