I'm so fucking centered right now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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