I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
