This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
