tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
