stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Green mimosas i think yes
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There's a naked man in my car right now.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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