my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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