Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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