Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
