What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
