the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
