I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
