We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
