just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
