We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
