Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
