dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
