Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
