Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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