sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
