Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need water and some morals
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
